Consumer Alert: Beware of Political Campaign Contribution Scams

Any worthy history of grift and graft would certainly detail the reciprocal relationship between the art of the confidence trickster and that of the political huckster. The duopoly system of government constructed by the Democratic-Republican Party has transformed the apparatus of political representation into a front for organizations of carpet-bagging hobos, parasitic tramps and panhandling bums, whose hysteria rises in direct proportion with their want for funding.* Of course, no one likes to think of themselves as an easy mark, yet, every year millions if not billions of dollars are extorted from the people of the United States to fill the campaign coffers of the duopoly parties and their willing shills, in a wealth redistribution scheme that ensures the reproduction of the duopoly system of government and the continued alienation and disenfranchisement of the American voting public.

One of my favorite series of posts at The Think 3 Institute is dedicated to analyzing campaign fund-raising letters. Reading the most recent installment, I began to ponder the similarities between this genre of political panhandling and traditional schemes of advance-fee fraud, such as the Nigerian 419 scam. Suddenly, the following document appeared on my desktop:

Request for Urgent Political Action from the Bipartisan National Policy Review Panel

Dear Sir or Madam,

I must solicit your strictest confidence in this endeavor, which is of the greatest importance to the future of our country and even to liberty itself. I am sure of and have confidence in your ability and reliability to engage in an undertaking of such importance which requires your maximum confidence as well.

We are top party officials and members of the highly respected Bipartisan National Policy Review Panel who have unearthed sensitive intelligence regarding pending legislation and policy proposals currently making their way through relevant committees and executive working groups. In order to thwart the subversion of justice and our very way of life represented by these policy proposals, some of which you have likely read about in the independent media, we solicit your assistance to enable us to transfer into your possession funds that would otherwise support the proponents of said proposals and their passage.

The source of these funds is as follows: during the most recent [insert: Republican or Democratic] administration, various government and party officials set up independent action committees to collect monies both in support of and against necessary foreign and domestic policies, however, they grossly overestimated the costs of this political struggle, resulting in a large surplus of funds, which can now be accessed by the new regime to ensure passage of its radical [insert: left wing or right wing] agenda.

By virtue of our positions on the Bipartisan National Policy Review Panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names, but we can control the flow of these funds, and direct it to individuals and groups whose consistent support of liberty and justice, the Constitution and a vigorous two-party system, is beyond question, and can be trusted in such sensitive matters, thus denying it to radical [insert: liberals or conservatives] whose motives are open to serious doubt.

I have therefore been delegated as a matter of trust by my colleagues on the panel to seek partners into whose accounts we would transfer portions of the $35,628,320 in question. Hence we are writing you this letter. We have agreed to apportion the funds thusly: 2.5% for every account whose owner abides by the terms of the agreement, until the funds are depleted enough so as to ensure that they cannot be utilized for the effective implementation of the above-mentioned legislation and policy proposals. Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we will commence the transfer seven days after the receipt of the following information by tel/fax at XXX-XXX-XXX: on your personal or business, signed and stamped, letterhead paper, your relevant bank account information and personal identification number. This information will enable us to compile letters of claim for the funds in question, to be deposited directly into your accounts.

We are looking forward to your support in thwarting the radical agenda of the new [insert: left wing or right wing] regime and solicit your utmost confidentiality in this transaction. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above tel/fax numbers. I will send you more detailed information of this project once I have heard from you.

Should you decide not to participate, please consider donating even modest sums to relevant party officials and committees dedicated to ensuring the continued existence of our two-party system of checks and balances in government.

Yours truly,
Dr. Eberhard Crook
Chairman, Bipartisan National Party Policy Review Panel

Note: please quote this reference number (FD/S/09/09) in all your responses.

It is a common refrain among partisans of the Republican and Democratic Parties that the factions which constitute the duopoly system of government "check" and "balance" one another. Yet, for all intents and purposes, the only checks and balances that are of any significance to partisan flim-flam artists are the balances of their campaign funds accounts and the checks that augment them. Every year millions of Americans fall prey to such frauds. Do not be taken in by these scams. If you receive a letter such as that above or have been the victim of a Democratic or Republican campaign "contribution" scheme, notify relevant authorities.

*The comparison with professional politicians is not intended to denigrate our nation's homeless.